Friends. I have a major thing to share with you. THE SUN IS SHINING. I mean, I know the sun is technically always shining, but I’m of course referring to the situation where it is shining on my damn face, signalling my body that it’s time to shed the seasonal depression bullshit.
As I’m typing this, it makes sense to start with the one big thing (other than that sun) that entered my studio this month; a new computer. Artsy right? I finally managed to overcome some actual anxiety and nightmares and purchased it. My bookkeeper refuses to call it a purchase and instead calls it “an investment” but honestly, that’s not helping at all.
If you look around the website a bit, you might notice that I make video-based, online courses. That stuff take a boatload of editing, rendering and distributing. And since the day I started doing that, I did all that on a 10-year old, entry model iMac. You know, the kind that the Apple store recommend when you “just want to typ some stuff, browse and check email”.
The whole when-am-I-going-to-buy-a-new-one dilemma turned out to be about a little more than just cash. I don’t know about you, but I find it incredibly hard to replace things that aren’t completely broken. As in, physically don’t work anymore. The whole idea that a product in just simply outdated, or doesn’t work well enough for what you’re doing now, just doesn’t compute with me.
So at the beginning of the year, I sat behind my trusted, medio-2010 iMac and got back to editing my videos for my upcoming course later this year. I dragged my raw footage into the only video editor it was willing to start (iMovie), looked at the loading time and figured I would start another painting because hey, it was gonna take 2,5 hours.
I guess this is just me. And probably a lot of other people. You just go with the flow of things. You get frustrated but it doesn’t occur to me to do something about it. The thought of spending money on myself, having to make choices and execute them, is more complicated than continuing the way you have. This is why I’m allergic to the whole #bossbabe rage. It’s not helping me. I’m not a boss (nor am I a babe, but hey). I don’t have a “business mentality” even though I’ve been a freelancer since I was 18. I don’t really feel like I specifically deserve any one thing in particular. And anything over a 100 bucks, still freaks me out.
Here’s the upside of things, because this is getting a little gloomy. I spent the money my bookkeeper wanted me to spend and bought the computer I needed. It’s glorious, my friends. It runs the software I want to run. It lets me edit my videos the way I want. It allows me to plan my day because it doesn’t dictate when I can’t use it for hours cause it’s loading stuff. It’s great.
But man, the struggle haha. 🙂 It really does help to write it down and get it off my chest. My own little #firstworldproblem being a #bossbabe 😛
Another thing I spent some cash on, was a different type of substrate than what I normally use: Aluminium Di-bond. I used it once before to mount a paper work and it turned out pretty nice. What it basically is, is two very thin sheets of aluminium with a polyethylene layer in between. I say that like I know my stuff, but I Googled it. So aluminium and some plastic-y stuff. It sounded good because my guess was, it would be pretty sturdy, light and not very prone to sucking up every drop of moisture in the air.
If you want to read a little more about Di-bond, Golden has written a neat blog post about it.
The batch I ordered was to mount the strangely sized, un-stretched canvas paintings I have laying around. I’m looking forward to ordering a few more and actually paint on them.
The work on my new course continues, while I think about the meaning of basic skills and knowledge. They different ways of teaching them, or getting from A to B. The word ‘learning’ triggers a lot of thoughts. School. Excitement. Rebellion. A lot of back and forth, to find your own direction.
In the mean time, I’ve also released a few workshops. These shorter workshops were all created during my participation in several collaborative courses. In previous years, I’ve done classes for Let’s Face It 2019 and 2020, Paint Your Heart And Soul and Life Book. I loved that excitement when “your” class was up for that week, and the Facebook group was filled with students showing their work. The whole idea of people following your instructions, your movements on camera, it’s still all very exotic.
I must say, the panic is a little less and that allowed for more sincere excitement and wonder. These courses – and especially their founders, Kara Bullock, Olga Furman and Tamara Laport – were also a chance to test the proverbial waters. I mean, you can either love or hate your own work, but it hardly matters when it comes to people spending their money on it.
I thought – when I started this post – that February was uneventful. The days and weeks feel a little like a long stretch, with no clear start or end. Though I do journal almost daily in my private life, this way of summarising my month is probably just what I needed right now. Until next month, my friends <3