Studio Diaries 005

It’s been a bit of a strange week of not feeling very productive and at the same time getting a lot done. Some new opportunities came along and I was faced with my old habit of not doing anything when faced with decisions. This might sound weird but when I feel this way, I somehow always think of that movie with Jim Carey, “Yes Man”. Other than the fact that Jim Carey is fabulous, the message in this movie has stuck with me: why not just say yes? When you live in an almost constant state of fear, anxiety and doubt you’ll never get anything done because all your energy goes to sustaining that fear and doubt. It’s a very vicious circle and I do notice that the more often I give in to it, the harder it is to get out.

So I said yes, to all the things that came along. It makes me very anxious, but at least I’m feeling that way because I’m doing things and not because I can’t make up my mind. Hopefully I get to share with you soon what those things are.

I’ve also been looking for different ways to incorporate dry media in my works. The last few weeks have been a lot of paint and even heavy body medium which is a little unusual for me. 🙂 I still think of myself as that pencil artist I suppose. During this week however, I sketched a bit with a mechanical pencil, which – because of it’s sharpness – can also make marks in your paper that you can show by putting charcoal or crayon over it. My grey/green Rembrandt pastel are also still a favorite to use.

Halfway through the week I was confronted with the death of one of my food idols if you will, Anthony Bourdain. It wasn’t so much his suicide that shocked me. But the reminder of how even when things in your life are going well and you worked hard for them, depression will persist. Wear you down. After 20 years I suppose it’s fair to says that my own depression is chronic and it is not something you ‘overcome’. You try your damn best to live with it. Until you can’t. I have mad respect and love for anyone who gets up every morning and faces the dark day even though the sun is shining and all is well. But I have the same love for those who can’t get up anymore. It’s not an easy way out. It’s the result of a fucked up illness that we still don’t quite understand.

Next week I have an auction to prepare for, so I’ll keep you updated on that. I’m going to be making some ‘floating’ panels and also mount some paper artwork to wood. I hope your week will be good and I’ll see you around on social media. <3

Take care,


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